How to Select a Divorce Attorney?

This is a very common question, and a challenging one to answer. The reason it is challenging is that good divorce attorneys come in a lot of different forms. I've seen different lawyers with very different tactics (fiery and peaceful) and personalities (agreeable and abrasive) that were all extraordinarily effective.

I think a lot of lawyers, if asked this, would basically just give you a self portrait. That is not necessarily that helpful.

To try and come to a broadly useful answer, I've taken the best ten family law litigators I know, and tried to come up with their most common traits, which I will outline below. Hopefully these general guidelines will help you in the selection process.

Calm Disposition: This is first for a good reason. In custody and divorce cases, the parties are usually at a peak emotional state. There are several lawyers that will "fan those flames" and end up driving up the costs of legal proceedings, creating collateral damage in the process as the parties acquire months or years of painful history fighting out their issues in a very public and impersonal forum.

The most common trait I have seen in excellent family law litigators is a calm disposition. Good lawyers do not get caught up in the drama, but instead encourage clients to take a step back, look hard at the evidence and likely outcomes, and make reasoned decisions. The nature of the proceedings make it virtually impossible to be objective, so having someone that can look realistically at problems and make decisions that will yield long-term dividends is critical. (This also means someone who has the integrity to disagree with you when needed, instead of just saying what you want to hear and taking your money.)

This type of disposition also carries significantly more weight with judges and commissioners. Day in and day out, courts are subjected to parties and their lawyers at fever pitch, carrying on, pointing fingers, and generally making bad problems worse. Enough of this makes judges long for people who act like adults. Courts give substantial weight to the arguments of attorneys who are clearly trying to be part of the solution.

Experience: There are a lot of brilliant, young litigators out there but in this area of practice, experience is absolutely critical. Every county has its own unique ecosystem, and an experienced lawyer can read situations and their likely outcomes far better than someone who does not know the culture of the local court. Few people have the money or the desire to finance a young lawyer's learning experiences in court.

One of the fundamental challenges of family law is how many variables there are. In a simple divorce, there are custody issues, co-parenting issues, property issues, and debt management. If there are things like business valuation or domestic violence, that number of variables skyrockets. Lawyers who have experience, and thus better "pattern recognition," will be able to navigate this complex terrain and get to realistic solutions.

Experience also usually carries with it reputation. If your attorney has succeeded in local courtrooms for several years, he will have relationships with other attorneys and have a sense of how they will handle their case. There also tends to be less of the "school yard trash talk" between seasoned lawyers that have litigated against each other several times in the past.

Life experience is important, too. A lawyer that is an experienced parent is going to understand custody litigation in a way that a childless person simply cannot. (I'm of the firm belief that child-rearing is not a subject you can understand academically.) Similarly, lawyers that have real knowledge of things like domestic violence, mental illness, or addiction (hopefully not their own) will generally do a better job on those cases. If these types of loaded issues are in your case, it is always a fair question to ask your lawyer about their experiences and beliefs on these subjects.

This isn't meant to be a global indictment of new lawyers. There are some amazing young lawyers out there. If you are considering hiring a less experienced lawyer, you need to look at three things: education, experience, and mentors. You want to look for lawyers that are highly involved in the profession (bar associations, pro bono, attending legal education sessions, etc.) and have access to several people who have "been there and done that."

Support Staff: Non-lawyers sometimes see a lawyer as this isolated, capable creature that does everything himself.

That is totally and entirely wrong. Great lawyers are supported by a great staff, and they give full credit to that staff. (As an aside, how a lawyer treats his staff is also a key litmus test as to whether that lawyer is a worthwhile investment.) A good family law paralegal is worth their weight in gold. They will make sure that the attorney is prompt in all responses, and that all the "non-lawyer" work in a case gets done well. There are a lot of brilliant lawyers out there that try to do it all themselves, which drives up costs and creates delay. If a lawyer has more than a handful of cases, he will need good staff to do it well.

A lawyer with a long-standing relationship with his paralegal, where that relationship is based on mutual respect, is another strong indicator that you are in good hands. If a lawyer has all the qualities I am talking about here, he or she should not struggle to keep staff.

Business Longevity: This is a fairly Darwinian one, but true. If a lawyer has been in the same area, practicing family law for years or decades, that is a strong indicator that they are at least doing something right. This is not a substitute for the other qualities (which are more important, in my opinion) but this is worth knowing. Failure in any of these areas described here over a long period of time does not usually yield business longevity.

Good Teachers: Great family law attorneys are also great teachers. It is inherent in the job to be able to teach a client about the process, what is required of the client, and what navigating a divorce will take. A lawyer has an ethical obligation to ensure clients make informed decisions, and implicit in this is skill in educating clients. A good attorney should be able to clearly articular the legal principles governing your divorce in plain language, and should show great concern in ensuring that you have a strong understanding of the process.

Good lawyers will not just tell you "what you need to know." They will tell you why you need to know it, and make sure you understand it.

This is especially critical in cases where there are children. The reality of custody proceedings is that the parties will be governed by a legal document for years and years after the litigation is done. A good lawyer will be willing to teach you the important legal principles governing custody litigation, and should be able to point out resources to you about how you can educate yourself and be a better co-parent.

Good Listeners: Professionals often see similar things so many times that they make the mistake of assuming all similar things are the same. I see a lot of lawyers make assumptions instead of listening to their clients. This both upsets the client and reduces the lawyer's effectiveness. Good lawyers are good listeners. As I often tell my clients, "I am a subject matter expert in the law, but you are the subject matter expert on your life and the people in it." I frequently ask clients how they think the other party will react to things, since my client has shared a life with the person for years or decades. There is no way to intelligently figure out how to navigate a conflict between between people without understanding the people.

Financial Clarity: As I've previously addressed in length, it is hard to determine exactly how much a divorce will cost because there are so many variables. With that said, a good lawyer should care about explaining his fee agreement, and making sure you understand how billing works. Once there is a general sense of how much a matter will cost, a lawyer should also discuss with you how representation is going to be financed. One of the real tragedies I see is people who hire a lawyer, and that lawyer evaporates in a puff of smoke after the money runs out. Right from the outset, there should be clarity about what a client can afford to pay for, and what can realistically be accomplished on that budget.

In divorces, it is worth paying for quality since you are shaping a giant piece of your life, but that quality has to come with clarity. Attorney and client need to work together like clockwork to face the challenges in a divorce. Tensions between the two over money during critical disputes does not serve anyone well.

Priorities: Ultimately, you are entrusting this person with your finances and the shape of your life. You should have a very candid discussion with the lawyer about his or her priorities. If you do not believe the answer you get (or if the lawyer struggles to give you an answer), that should tell you what you need to know. This profession is incredibly hard, and if you do it long enough, you start asking yourself the hard questions about why you put yourself in the crucible every day. If your lawyer can't answer those questions meaningfully when you ask them, keep looking.

Conclusion: Selecting a lawyer is obnoxious. You are already under stress and it feels like you have to make a life-altering decision with very little information. My advice to you is to be picky. Divorce lawyers will shepherd you through some of the hardest times in your life, and in many instances, their efforts will shape the course of your life. Given the stakes, it is worth talking to a few people to make sure you get the right fit.